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-This is strictly my private space thanks

about me
Name: Alvin Chan
Age: 21
DOB: 28/08/90
I don't like blogging, I'm lazy.

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The Time Of My Life - David Cook codes: mothersound
layout: animate_
image: andrewkendall

Sunday, August 21, 2011
Sunday blogging?

Many things i wish to share with my blog today, which i really felt that finding someone out to trash talk isn't gonna make things better, thus blogging. Do you really think you don't cross my mind at all? Afterall it's the harsh reality that i've got to learn to accept. Sometimes, you may think i judge you, based on everything you do and i just wanna deem this relationship as if it already ended but let me tell you, you're so wrong. I've never ever wanted this to end but i'm left with no choice because i know we both can't commit to this relationship and that you have your friends, which you can't sacrifice at times for me. Recently, i really really was so close to talking to you but i just couldn't bring myself to do it because you really look as if you're gonna move on, any time, just waiting for your call. Seriously, baking with another guy at your place? I don't ever rmbr doing it with you. Drinking, clubbing, pictures with guys so close to you, head to head, i don't ever understand how is that 'wanting us back'. I can honestly tell you even up till today, i'm still as paranoid as ever, really wonder if you've done anything to let me down during this period of time and whether or not did anyone do anything to you. I know it's unhealthy and it's really killing me thinking about you and how are you doing. I'm at home on this lonely sunday or any other lonely days and i bet you're out almost everyday, and i'm thinking every now and then what are you doing and all. I really wish you well in this aspect, really.

Next issue, my birthday. I'm feeling very disappointed because my celebration falls on a day where there is elections and many of my closest friends are either abroad due to army, or something more important to attend to. I'm not blaming them, perhaps just myself for now making a more precise planning beforehand. Or rather i couldn't do anything about it if things just choose to happen this way. Sigh, whatever it is, i just wish that everything goes well on that day itself. And i realised i'm always around to make people happy but unhappiness always befalls on me. It's kinda sad, when at times people thought that you're unaware that you're being taken advantage of, when i'm widely seen it with my own eyes. Sometimes i wonder if i don't have a car, will some of you, the guys be as good as you're to me? I can say, not all of you will.

And my last issue, to me, is the most important issue that i'm gonna write today is about my aunt who is staying at my place with my family, or rather, she's my family afterall. She's been living with my grandparents since young and now that both my grandparents are gone, she's staying with me. She ain't as normal as most people are and she don't enjoy the luxury of sitting a plane to fly abroad, etc. I will and i promise when i start earning my own money, i will bring my whole family abroad, sitting planes and all to wherever places they wanna go, before it's all too late. Okay sorry lemme just continue. When she was young, she was diagnosed with very high fever but she wasn't sent to the hospital in time, thus making her the way she is now. I'm not embarassed to tell everyone that she's a little bit mentally disabled, behaving like a child and trying to learn. She's always getting the scoldings that she don't deserve, because she's just this way and people ought to understand. Today, i encounter a scene that made me realised that we shouldn't be complaining about our lives now, or how not fortunate we are and how we shouldn't take things for granted. I went to my aunt room to take something when the lights were still on and i saw her smiling at the wall, while lying on her bed. It breaks my heart a little and i did teared a little because just minutes ago i was still thinking to myself how sad it is that i've got no one to hang out with on a sunday night blah blah. ahhh okay fuck nvm i don't wish to carry on. Just be contented with what you have.

And babygirl, i miss you so much, i wish i could be cuddling with you right now and if only you're reading this, if only. I love you and i wish you well, move on baby, just move on for i don't think i'm worth your love. Good night and good bye.

When you're happy
I'm happier

Thursday, May 12, 2011
:((((((((((

Life without you is never good, never will be. Why must you be so wonderful and almost perfect that once i lose you, i know i can never find someone as good as you? I know it's very stupid of me to lie over such a small issue but at that point of time, i guess i just didn't want to disappoint you further by telling you that i can't talk to you that night because i was playing bowling with my friends. Sigh yes super loser la but now that things ended up this way, i guess i should just let you go ain't i? I'm probably your worse nightmare and you will never ever wanna see me again. I miss you, but i will never ever step into your life again because i wouldn't want to ruin it. I'm sorry my dear, you will be missed as always and i love you, very much.

When you're happy
I'm happier

Tuesday, April 12, 2011
dear friend

Mr dottedboxers, how are you today? Can i rant at you again? Today for almost the entire day i've been thinking about her, yes that dear girl of mine before and soon to be another person's dearest. What have i been thinking about? Many many stuffs, stupid things like keep refreshing fb page to see pictures of mr gl's 21st bday pics to see if there are any close pictures of them together.... i think i probably refreshed like a hundred times? A thousand maybe? And now that it's finally up, i kinda sense that they are so close to being together alr. I'm of course, very very sad, but there's nothing i can do about it. I was so tempted to even talk to her, ask her how have she been(although i know she's doing superbly fine when i'm not), and many many stuffs that i wanna ask her. I really miss her like crazy but i must must stop doing this. I need alot of distractions. AHHHH! Thank you mr dottedboxers for by letting these emotions out, i feel slightly better! Looks like everything that's happening now is what i truly deserved. Take care my dear, i wish you well. :) P.S. I really wish you won't be reading this for i don't want you to think about me and most importantly, see how loser am i. Goodbye mr dottedboxers for i know you're the only one reading this! :)

When you're happy
I'm happier

Saturday, April 9, 2011
Rainy Bad Day

I don't know what's wrong with me, but i'm constantly thinking about you. Can't believe it's the 9th of april alr and there's a birthday chalet for you to attend, with your beloved guy. Wondering what have you guys done, drink? Gamble? HTHT? Then kept thinking again whether will you be sleeping beside me, cuddling each other. SIGH! Nvm, i shall get over it, GET OVER IT! Time to keep myself busy with a stick, and a phone to plan my schedule out for tonight. Hopefully it's gonna be a good night because i've got duty tmr which literally, sucks.

When you're happy
I'm happier

Wednesday, April 6, 2011
heavy heavy heart

i'm still thinking about you, really thinking about you. Miss you so so so much, for all i know, i've had experienced true love. Thank you my dear, now go, find your other half. Take care love.

When you're happy
I'm happier

Tuesday, April 5, 2011
bye bye love

I can't believe i'm doing this right now like seriously but it's good that i'm doing this because my blog is dead and nobody will be reading it. From today onwards, this will be my ranting space! Well let today's post be a rather short one. My dear girl, you know who you are, i miss you so much. Many times i swear i felt like talking to you, texting you to tell you how much i love you and miss you but i know i cannot do so because it wouldn't be fair for you, and myself. I made my promise that i will never ever talk to you again, so i must stick to it. I know we both have similar thoughts about many things and you must be wondering why i'm treating you this way; I tell you what, there's no point lying here but the truth is to allow you to move on, without me getting in your way. Like what you've said before, if we keep meeting each other and all, it won't be easy for you to move on and moving on is actually what you want. I really hope you will not regret this decision made for the both of us and please do be careful because i know what kind of person he is, and don't make that one foolish mistake that none of us wants to see. Take care my dear, i love-d you.

When you're happy
I'm happier

Thursday, August 13, 2009
I'm afterall the luckiest boy, ever!

Why the sudden decision to blog today alvin? Because thanks to vivian koh, Alvin managed to catch a glimpse of a shooting star for the first time with his girlfriend by his side! I swear i haven't seen one before until today! In overall, it's really a lovely night. I'd love to tell everyone that i love my girlfriend, shumay! :) P.S. i wanted to upload a picture of my dearest but i can't! :( Good night to anyone reading this! :)

When you're happy
I'm happier